Bum Realizations

I've been running a lifeless routine for almost a month now and honestly, it's not doing me any good. I hate it! My school days are over and I'm trying to find different ways to let days pass while waiting for graduation. I've been job-hunting, cleaning my room and figuring out my purpose in life. I realized that I don't like not doing anything. I'm not looking forward to anything at all and it's driving me insane. I wanna do a lot of things but I'm stuck at home because I don't have money. I don't wanna ask money from my Mom anymore because I don't wanna be a burden. But getting a job in this country is not easy so I'm practically left with no choice but to wait. Wait for something good to happen. It's hard to anticipate something that you don't really know when it'll come. 

I'm the most optimistic person I know and my current situation's really challenging me on that matter. In less than a month, I've already grown tired of the perks of being stuck at home and having a lot of your time to yourself. It was fun at first but the longer it gets, the stronger my hate becomes. I am not this person. I gotta do something productive. But with all the weight-gain and boredom comes the persistence to make something good out of my life as soon as possible. Right now I'm feeling a bit helpless but the eagerness to go out there and be with the world is screaming louder. I am not giving up on this. I'm looking forward to exploring the next big step for me. I may or may not like it but I know I can make it work. Eager beaver out.